my goal over this vacation was to reflect on the past few months and figure out how in the hell i wound up this way. thus far, i have been only dwelling on where i am in time. which is to say, right now, where i am, feels like another time in my life—a common occurrence for me—and i don’t know where it is that i am. i hope i can figure it out, because it feels nice. and i would like to know the temporal source of this feeling. the only thing i can think of right now is my first trip to california—perhaps because of the music i decided to play when i was de-boarding the airplane at palm beach international airport yesterday.
i also feel like i am envisioning my future—things i want to do to make me feel the way i am feeling right now, again. it is all free association, of course: the things i see in my mind right now in response to how i am feeling—both past and future—have nothing to do with where i physically am right now, but how i am feeling. and my mind takes off.
this is all still a bunch of crap because i am doing this more as though i were writing a journal instead of approaching this as a project. but at some point this week, i am sure i will feel like writing something that is more project than description. we shall see.
at least i am writing.