Sunday, August 23, 2009

move-in day

the time at which i begin to write this is 8:19 am. the date on which i begin to write this is sunday, august 23, 2009.

originally, i awoke sometime around 6 am, before forcing myself back to sleep. but i feel that it is no coincidence that i was wide awake at that hour.

every last or second-to-last sunday in august for the past four years has been marked with a dawn journey—my life packed into boxes and bags, stuffed into back seats and trunks—to the state university of new york college at oneonta.

and that is not what i am doing now.

and some part of my brain and my heart feels as though that is what i should be doing right now.

i am not in the right place.

i should have pulled up to the service door of some dorm about 22 minutes ago now—i would have picked a dorm room as close as possible to the service door, to the laundry room—just like last year.

but i am not.

i should be greeting RAs i may know as we go through the obligatory paperwork upon the completion of which i get my room and mailbox keys.

but i am not.

i should be a sweaty mess, carting things from my mother’s and father’s cars, and beginning to unpack them whilst barking orders at my parents to put this here, or that there.

but i am not.

i can close my eyes and look around the room, a collage of all of the images from all of the times that i have done that on move-in day. i can hear the rain fall outside, as the windows would be able to relieve the heat of unpacking. i can even smell what an unoccupied-for-three-months, empty oneonta dorm smells like.

but i am not there.

i miss my old life.

No comments: